Buddhism & Dishonesty

Q:How does one react to Infidelity aka Dishonesty in a relationship?

A Gut reaction is to not personalize it, as I believe it to be a reflection on the character of the person who was dishonest as well as a mirror to reflect their own insecurities.

A:There is a difference between the Buddhist practice of dispassion, liberation, and realization that there is no "self"; AND not making wise decisions for what is best and wise in your life.

If someone is cheating on you, you must decide not "why are they cheating?" but "what is best for me if he is?" Do you feel that this infidelity is something that creates an atmosphere that puts you at risk for your health? Is it your decision that this person's infidelity creates a dynamic to your relationship that you are not comfortable with?

And look at yourself. Are you even considering not leaving him because you are clinging to him? Do you feel that you know the real him or the idealize idea of what you wish he was? Do you accept the impermanent nature of all things (including relationships, people and personalities)? Do you fear letting go and being alone?

If you are the person cheating, do you feel that you are creating conditions that are wholesome? Do you feel the moments of joy are worth the energy of deceit and the suffering of keeping up the lie? Do you have compassion for your partner and their feelings? Do you find that your suffering can be answered by sexual adventures?

These are only some questions to investigate. The only answers are yours and your decisions. Be with the breath, and spend time investigating your own experiences, habits and being.

Namo Buddhaya